


Shore Leave

by soldiermom1973



Series: 1,000 years (A Reconciliation Story) [24]
Category: Mass Effect (Comics), Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect - Various Authors, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, N7 Month 2019, N7 month, Shenko - Freeform, Shore Leave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:26:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21564493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: The one time Kaidan doesn't want to take shore leave is the one time he's ordered to, and he hates every second of it.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Allie Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: 1,000 years (A Reconciliation Story) [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1460416
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Shore Leave

**Author's Note:**

> For [N7 Month](https://n7month.tumblr.com/post/188450175349/n7-month-challenge) over on tumblr, this prompt was Shore Leave. Some angsty Shenko for you.

Shore leave wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be a chance to recover and recharge. A chance to relax and catch your breath. After everything Kaidan – and the rest of the Normandy's crew – had been through, shore leave should have been a godsend. Instead, he found himself thinking entirely too much and not always about good things.

Thinking about Allie in that hospital bed, barely able to look at him, barely saying two words to him. He closed his eyes and thought about the panic on her face when he got hurt, the pain in her voice when she sent him away. He didn't want to leave her – not again, not after the last time he left her on her orders and she died. Garrus half dragged him back onto the Normandy, though, knowing if he didn't, the entire ship and her crew would have been lost. It killed him knowing he was probably leaving her to die again, so he pressed a finger to his ear to activate his comms and told her he loved her, that he always would, and prayed she heard it. He didn't want her going to her fate thinking he still hated her.

When they finally got the Normandy's comms back online and found out Allie not only succeeded, but survived, he wept and his heart soared. Stepping into her hospital room, though, once they made it back... she acknowledged his presence but didn't say much else to him. He made sure to only visit when other people were around because that was how she wanted things on the ship – she was seldom ever alone with him. On the trip back to earth, he hoped maybe they'd finally be able to put things behind them and start over, but her reaction to him (or lack thereof) made him realize he'd lost her for good.

So he went home to rest and recover and found himself sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs on the dock more often than not. He thought about the rebuilding, about his dad and where he might be, his mom trying to run the orchard on her own (and doing a damn good job of it, too). Not matter how often he tried to think of non-war things, his mind always somehow found its way back around to Allie Shepard.

He thought about the first time he brought her home and they walked to this very dock and these very chairs to the telescope he bought for her. It had long since been put away, but he wondered if she thought about it, if maybe she missed spending that time with him.

He wondered how different things would have been if she had told him 'yes' during that lunch date at Apollo's. He'd probably have taken his shore leave and stayed at her side while she was in the hospital, helping her through her therapy, massaging her muscles when they finally gave out because she pushed herself too hard. He thought about how he'd hold her, comfort her, let her cry if she had a nightmare or if she became frustrated because her recovery wasn't progressing as fast as she wanted

Or had she moved on? Was she in love with someone else? Was that why she was so distant now? Maybe there was a doctor or one of her therapists. Perhaps one of the myriad admirers she had wriggled their way into her heart.

Kaidan drained his beer and shook his head. Garrus and Liara both told him she had no one else, that as far as they knew, she still loved him but was still really hurt. He pressed his lips together and wondered what more he could have done to show her he trusted her again.

He wondered if maybe it really was too late and that maybe he should let her go

Kaidan wished Hackett would let him get back to work instead of forcing him to take a break like this. He needed to keep busy to keep his mind from wandering back to Allie and to the couldas, wouldas, and shouldas.

As far as shore leaves went, this one was one of the worst.


End file.
